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I have been nervous, really, really nervous this past week. All of a sudden, after my nipple making days, all pregnancy symptoms disappeared.
Every dang single one of them.
No more freakish hunger.
No more little cramps and twinges.
No more manly burps. (Yes, I wrote “manly burps.” I am not proud.)
What the heck? What in the world did it mean to be suddenly “symptomless?” Of course, since I’m a pessimistic worrier, I instantly thought the worst and shared my fears with my mom and husband.
And, of course, I also turned to the internet. That didn’t help. I found positive stories and negative stories alike.
Sigh.
My hourly prayers became modified. Instead of just praying for the health of my little one, I began tearfully praying for God to give me morning sickness, nausea, gas. . . . ANYTHING to act as a sign that my baby was still alive.
I got NADA.
I became more and more scared, losing faith in the miracle God had given us. Losing faith in God’s purpose and plan.
Saturday night, as I sat on the couch, worried, I remembered a post I’d written in December. The post, “D@mn Hallmark,” was written on a night when I was struggling with my past miscarriage and my infertility. I questioned why I desperately wanted another child instead of being content with the beautiful baby God allowed us to adopt. I questioned the fairness of God giving me such a desire without giving me the ability to get pregnant (or the ability to finance a second adoption).
I was basically feeling sorry for myself.
As I reread this post the other night, I noticed the date of “publication:” December 8th.
What’s so special about December 8th?
According to my due date, the baby’s measurements, and everything else that goes into the calculations, December 8th was the day my baby was conceived.
The very day my husband’s super swimmers broke the tough wall of my obstinate egg.
I couldn’t (and still can’t) believe it. On the day that I questioned God and His plan for all that we’ve been through, He was working an absolute miracle in me.
And, that was my sign. Not a sign that my baby was ok, but a sign that God was in control. That God had planned this, created this experience. . .and did it when I was at one of my lowest points.
God did all of this in the midst of my doubt.
And, I’m sure He was laughing the whole time . . . knowing that soon I would learn of a tiny life, fearfully and wonderfully made by His hands, in my broken body. He laughed knowing that soon I would realize the extent of His grace, love, and purposeful planning (planning that doesn’t require any prior knowledge on my part for it to succeed.)
That same Saturday night, I shared the entire story with my husband, letting him know the full extent of God’s hand in the conception of our new child.
Sunday . . . the hunger, fatigue, twinges, and (sigh) the manly burps all came back with a vengeance.
And, I found the baby’s heartbeat on my new doppler.
All is well.
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About Rachel Lacy
My name is Rachel -- I share tales about food and family. I'm a home-cook who focuses on fresh & simple meals to both fuel us and to help us celebrate our family-life. My day starts with coffee. Lots of coffee. 
Monday - Corn Casserole, Pepper Steak, Salad
Tuesday - 
Such a wonderful post. Thanks for sharing and I’m glad everything is well.
That made me cry, but I am very happy to know your manly burps returned. Just so know, they don’t ever go away after the baby. Burps and farts and horrible gas are all part of the joys of motherhood.
Beautifully written! So happy for manly burps and sundry other annoyances are back en force! I mean, if it makes you feel better and all . . .
Lovely post.
Phew!
Congratulations on the pregnancy. It’s amazing to us how good God is, although why we are so amazed, I surely don’t know!We are in the process of adopting a 2 year old little boy, who came to us at 18 months. We also have my 15 year old son, but we still are holding hope for a biological child of our own. I am hoping that God will answer that prayer.God bless you through all of this!Angie
Glad you and baby are ok…and I understand, I went trough the same, never one symptom did I have it drove me crazy!
Have been out of the bloggy world for a while and have really been missing reading all of my past bloggy friends’ posts. Decided to take a break from the “work” and stop by a few. Yours was the first I visited. How thrilled I am (for you and for me) that I did! You have such a refreshing and cute way of sharing the details of your life with the blogosphere and you always make me laugh (OK, sometimes cry… in a good way) and remember the goodness that abounds in this crazy world of ours.I’m so excited for you and your rollercoaster ride… and I wish you and your list one (and your family) the very, very best!!!! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh! I guess it is true… sometimes, with and even after the sorrow (morning sickness and other pregnancy pains… and even wondering if it is ever going to be possible)… comes the beauty, amazement, wonder, and rainbow.Congrats!!!!jyl(mommygossip)
Wonderfully said! I’ve done this countless times with my own pregnancies and I will say that being pregnant definitely keeps you close to God. (We should always be so dependent. I forget this but suddenly remembered what it feels like to be so hopeful and yet so fearful.) A great post as always.Congratulations!
Okay– I could have gone without knowing about the manly burps, OR what day you … ahem, conceived
AMAZING! I love it when God shows us his love for us like this.Yes, I am thankful for those pregnancy symptoms too…lets me know all is well.more tired of me yet?I’m almost done.
God is good!!
Wonderful post, Rachel! I totally get the blob thing;) After all, we call them knuckleheads when they’re growing up!
Praise God! As someone who has also had a miscarriage, I know how you feel in some ways (regarding losing symptoms). I used to drive myself absolutely bananas looking up stuff on the internet, asking others on message boards questions, calling my doctor, etc. It can be nerve racking. Big hugs and know you are in my prayers.
Fantastic post!Admit it…you secretly love being able to out-burp your hubby and bring him to his knees. LOLOLOL
Loved this post becasue I can SO relate. I begged for more symptoms to curb my constant worrying and THEN I got hit with the motherload of symptoms! I feel your pain!
That is a very awesome story. It is amazing the way God works isn’t it?I have heard of people losing their symptoms and it doesn’t always mean something is wrong. if something was wrong you’d probably have more symptoms! You did good to stay calm about it all.OK. I’m going to be petty and silly here, but the only part I didn’t like about this post was when you referred to your baby as a “blob.” he or she is a baby, a child of God, a human in your womb. Not a blob. And I’m betting that isn’t the way you meant it, but he/she is a baby! A miracle baby at that! And I’m so excited for you!
It is strange when the symptoms disappear. However, they do and you just get to enjoy being preggo. That is, until you’re too big to move….or at least feel that way!!Enjoy and don’t worry so much!!
beautiful post, I am glad you are back to your manly burps and other signs!
I am glad all is well!!!
When it comes to burping, I have heard women that would put men to shame!I don’t remember my wife having too many symptoms during her pregnancy. However, our baby boy did kick a lot!God stretches us to test and strengthen our faith. Glad you are doing better.
I love this post! God is so good!!! Thanks for sharing!
I’m so glad things are going well with your pregnancy! YAY!!
Here’s the muffin recipe I use:http://savvysuziefood.blogspot.com/2008/09/muffin-mania.htmlJust substitute as many blueberries as you like for the bananas! Add some milk if the batter gets too thick. I find that if you freeze the blueberries (and don’t thaw them out), the batter doesn’t turn blue and you just get soft, warm WHOLE blueberries in the muffins.
I know exactly what you mean…I’m just about to the same point – I can stay awake later, eat after 4:30 and smell cooking food without gagging…but can’t quite feel the baby moving yet. So true that sometimes we just need a gentle reminder of who’s driving the bus
Oh, and my pirate-worthy burps have never gone away. My son thinks they are hilarious. We should duet, I bet we’d make Youtube.
Your story gave me chills. I’m glad you and baby are doing well.
AMEN to that!!!! God is amazing indeed. Every week is different so just sit back relax and enjoy your 9 month ride……..um,….I guess congrats on feeling nauceous again,….I think…..
lovely post
Thank you, Maryann.