Alternate Title 1: How To Trick Your Mom and Mother-in-Law
Alternate Title 2: How To Hide Your Double Chins.
Alternate Title 3: Stick Figure Art At Its Finest
Yesterday, after reading my whining post about my horrible, not so very good, Tuesday, both my Mom and my Mother-in-Law sent me messages.
Mom (via email):
I got the latest following blog this a.m. Your face is so slim.
MIL (via blog comment):
Sorry your day was so bad, especially the no naps. But you look like you have lost more weight. Your face is so thin. Way to go. Proud of you.
Oh, Ladies — you’re so sweet, but this mama learned (a very long, long time ago) how to utilize trick photography. . . and, it’s all about angles.
Let’s look a picture I took about two weeks ago.
Now, before you get worried that I’m some narcissistic, “likes to take random pics of herself for no good reason” kind of gal, let me reassure you: I HATE having my picture taken. Always have — always will. Ask anyone in my family and they’ll tell you I avoid it at all costs.
Picture taking makes me feel silly. “Say, ‘Cheese‘?” Ugh — might as well just say, “Put on a fake smile and act like you are spontaneously happy and thrilled to have this moment preserved for all time . . . and, while you’re at it, hide the fact you feel incredibly awkward and are wondering how fat you’re gonna look.”
I’m not as lucky as the influential mom bloggers in the world — the ones who wake up with gorgeous hair and skin, snap a picture and can instantly post it on Facebook without touching it up first.
Oh, wait — this post is supposed to be a Tutorial. Oops! Please disregard my brief stray from the topic at hand.
Now, “How To Make Your Face Look Skinny.”
Step One (optional): Put on makeup.
What can make up do for ya? Well, if you’re like me, it at least makes you feel a little more confident about your picture-taking abilities. You’ll smile and eyes will stand out more, putting the emphasis there instead of on chipmunk cheeks or double chins (a la Rachel’s face).
Now, in yesterday’s picture, I had ZERO make up. I broke my own rule, which is why I followed . . .
Step Two (mandatory): Find your best angle.
My best, skinniest-face photos happen when the camera is slightly above my head and angled down toward me.
Or, if you don’t have a grumbling husband to boss around, like this:
If I have any control of the situation, my picture is ALWAYS taken from this angle. It completely eliminates my multiple chins and makes me look as though I have cheek bones. And, cheek bones are always a good thing.
Chubby Cheeked Rachel + Make up + Up/down Angle = One Faux Skinny Hot Mama
(and, now you know my dirty little secret)