Like many bloggers, my sister (That [Officer’s] Wife) likes to check out her Google stats from time to time.
She doesn’t check to see how many people showed up on any given day or to look at Google’s fancy little charts.
Hannah wants to see what ridiculous searches bring people to her blog. Searches like . . . .”man pooping on another man.”
Yeah, she can thank my husband for that one.
NO, NO, NO, NO! My husband did NOT do anything like what that search suggests; he did, however, give all of his brothers-in-law soap for Christmas. Poop soap, to be exact. (In case you’re worried, it’s real soap. I promise. Don’t think too badly of my hubby, please.)
After reading the full search list Hannah shared, I wondered what brings people to this ol’ blog. I was sure only wholesome, rated-G queries would give readers access to Following In My Shoes. After all, this is a family blog. A mommy blog — one of those “expensive hobbies” a recent NY Times article had a hard time NOT sneering about. Surely, only family appropriate searches bring people to my world.
I. Was. Dead. Wrong.
Here are a few of the searches that brought random, freaky, disgusting people to my little place on the internet.
1. “Vagasil Jokes.”
(Yeah, Vagasil is responsible for five people arriving here. Yay.)
2. “Child removes diaper and smears feces”
(Uhhhhhh . . . pretty sure I never blogged about that.)
3. “How to explain stretch marks to skinny friends”
(If you find the answer to this one, let me know.)
4. “Hubby likes plastic panties”
(I don’t know if he does; I’m not asking. Go away.)
5. “Potty training Hubby”
(Wow. That’s all I have to say. Wow.)
Seriously? THESE are some of the things people look up on Mr. Google? Ok, so I can understand number 2 and number 3; I’m a mother and I’ve had the luxury of being pregnant once. I get those searches. But, “potty training [your] hubby?” Really? His mother didn’t do that for you? I think this is an issue you need to discuss with her. His desire for plastic panties? I assume you mean plastic underwear for you, since you chose the word “panties.” Ummmmm . . . to each his own, but if that were my husband? Yeah, he would have to discover a new preference — and, fast.
Sadly, I know the posts that brought these people to my blog. Yes, I’ve written a letter to Vagasil (someone had to). In keeping with being a mommy blog (I once read that you weren’t a true “mommy-blog” until you had blogged about your child’s poop, bowel movement, etc. Blah, I say.), I have written one post about the Little Lady and a VERY bad nap-time. ‘Nuff said about that.
I DEFINITELY wrote about stretchmarks — those lovely tiger-stripes Mr. Boy started giving me a year ago. Yes, I’ll claim that post.
I will NOT, however, claim anything about Hubbies and their need for panties or need for potty-training. No. Nope. Not gonna do it. It never happened. I promise, cross my heart, and hope to die.
Ugh — because I don’t pay attention to SEO, meta tags, and all of the stuff that is supposed to tell Google what information your site dispenses. The result? When you write about your Hubby foolishly thinking your toddler is ready for potty training and big girl panties (when YOU clearly KNOW she is NOT), weirdos end up at your family-friendly, rated G (ok, ok . . PG), mommy-blog.
Hmmmm . . . I think there’s a lesson here.
I’ve been fighting the SEO/Meta tag battle, not wanting to worry about tagging posts, using search friendly key-words, or coming up with “appropriate” post titles. I’m just a lazy rebel like that.
But, maybe there are merits to making sure you use appropriate titles and key-words. Perhaps that should be something I change on the new-blog — perhaps I should work on that side of blogging. Hmmmmmm . . .
Of course, if I started paying attention to those types of things, I’d miss out on seeing the weird side of the internet.
Yeah, it’s a toss-up.
