What’s the best way to end an addiction?
The Cold Turkey Method?
Self-Help Books?
Dramatic Intervention Courtesy of Sexy Benjamin Bratt??? (ooo — that doesn’t sound like a bad idea!)
I’m in need of serious help. I’m tired of the cravings, tired of the headaches in between hits, and tired of trying to figure out ways to buy my small supplies that never seem to last long enough. Yellowing teeth. . . fluctuating weight . . . none of this is attractive.
My drug of choice?
My name is Rachel and I’m addicted to caffeine.
I know I’ve been talking about cutting back, and I tried. Really, I have. Last week, I tried for several wrenching hours one morning. It was A-W-F-U-L!!! Oh, my GOSH! Those were the longest 5 hours of my LIFE!!
Tuesday, I attempted to go the entire day without a drop of caffeine entering my feeble system. I even went so far as to make a cup of decaffeinated coffee, hoping that would trick my brain into believing my needs had been met.
My brain wasn’t tricked. By 1 pm, I was jonesing BAD! But, I held out, trying to busy myself with other things. Then, the headache came. The world’s largest elephants were slamming into the walls of my brain and sitting on my sinuses, frolicking in my despair. As each hour passed, they pounded and pounced on my poor “grey matter” with more and more force, trying to torture me into making REAL coffee.
I didn’t give in . . . not that day anyway. But I sure did make some real coffee first thing the next morning, sighing with absolute relief as soon as the scent of hot coffee filled the air. That first cup of Sexy Joe (yes, I said FIRST) was pure heaven — the best five minutes of my life! Afterwards, if I’d been in a movie, I would’ve lit a cigarette. IT. WAS. THAT. GOOD.
Now, I’m torn. I’m clearly Coffee’s mistress — there’s no doubt about it — but, how can I end this relationship when parting hurts so badly? I can’t exactly write a “Dear Joe” letter . . .especially considering I normally do my best writing with a cup of coffee before me. That would be a little tacky, don’t you think?
What’s a girl to do? I can’t think of any . . .um, excuse me. The coffee machine just beeped. It’s time for me to sneak in a quickie with my caffeinated lover before the kid wakes up!
