I did NOT cry about turning 30 and I did NOT realize how ridiculous I really am.
I did NOT make my husband take me to dinner on my birthday, even though he had already “officially” taken me on a birthday-dinner-date the previous weekend.
I did NOT go on that 2nd birthday date bra-less because I am NOT that tacky.
I did NOT make three trips to the Chinese buffet bar and I did NOT make my husband go for me (twice).
I did NOT tell my daughter “too bad” when she said “Oww” as I pulled and twisted her hair into her first pony-tail.
I did NOT get my big hiney stuck in the Church nursery’s toddler club chair because I did NOT attempt to sit in it.
I did NOT eat my daughter’s cheerios during church because I was NOT hungry.
And. . . I certainly did NOT punch my husband in my sleep when the Little Lady started crying in the middle of the night. I do NOT remember doing that.
