You Know You’re a Parent When . . .
The Things Your Mother Never Told You (and laughs about behind your back) . . .
When Good Toddlers Go Bad . . .
The Real World — Mommy/Daddy Style . . .
Oy, vey! What in the WORLD was up with my children this past week? Was there some cosmic force at play? Pressure changes I didn’t know about? Was there a full moon (or five) last week?
Here’s a little sampling of how my parenting skills were challenged this week:
Here are more phrases uttered by me and my husband; and please, if you would be so kind, tell me we aren’t the only ones who say this kind of crap!
- Do NOT pull that snail out of his shell! He’ll get hurt. . . . No, we can’t take him to the doctor. You pull him out — he’s sick for good. DON’T PULL HIM OUT! PUT HIM DOWN, PUT HIM DOWN, PUT HIM DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Do Mommy & Daddy put their feet on your face? That’s right — we don’t. So why do you keep trying to put your feet on Mr. Boy’s face?
- No, no, no, no, no, no, nonononononono, NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO !
- What the $%&# ? (I really did self-sensor here; promise!) HUBBY! There is STYROFOAM in MR. BOY’S DIAPER!!!!
- Little Lady! Ugh — WHERE are your pants? We don’t take our pants off in the GROCERY STORE!
- WHAT in the WORLD? When did you eat EASTER GRASS? Mr. Boy!!!! (he’s crawling, by the way . . . and sweeping/vacuuming three times a day is, apparently, not enough)
- Hubby! GET IN HERE and LOOK at what your daughter is doing! It’s like she thinks it’s play-dough. (I’ll spare you further details)
- Seriously? It’s 11:30, you know I’m exhausted, and you wanna know if I’m in the mood? Seriously? (ok, so that one wasn’t about the kids. . .but I figured some of you have been there, done that with this too and can commiserate)
- LITTLE LADY! He’s not a pony — we do not ride on Mr. Boy!
- (sigh) Little Lady, do we close the door on you when you’re following us into a room? No, we don’t — so, don’t do that to your brother. He’s just a baby and that’s not nice. . . . Yes, I know he pulls your hair, but that doesn’t mean you can slam the door in his face. Ok?
- That’s IT! I’m going shopping. They’re all yours. Don’t call me unless there’s an emergency . . . and it had better be a REAL EMERGENCY!
Anyone else glad it’s a new week?