Today, I’ve joined the world of “bloggers.” I don’t know whether I should feel resignation or exhilaration — am I keeping up with the technological advances of communication or merely acting as a lemming?
Whatever the case, I now have a blog and feel a responsibility to explain my initial thought process in deciding to start one. First — I miss writing. I miss academic writing, short stories, poetry, little musings here and there. I have a poetry book, a private journal, a prayer journal, a sermon journal. . . but it’s not enough. I need one place where I can put it all together (most of it anyway). And, now that our commitment to moving to Thailand is firm, I want a way to keep in touch with everyone (stateside!). Hopefully, this will be a way for our close friends, family, etc. to know how our ministry is going, how life in Thailand is . . . “and so on and so forth, etc., etc., etc.!” (there’s a musical reference for ya — can you guess which one???)
Wait — did you read correctly . . . the Hubby and Rachel are moving to THAILAND????? The answer is yes, we are. WHEN is up for debate. I have mixed emotions about moving. On one hand, I’m excited to be there and experience everything Hubby has shared with me. I’m anxious to be a part of his ministry. But, I’m also nervous about being away from everyone I know and everything. I can’t imagine how hard it will be to live even farther away from my family (my mom isn’t thrilled about this either). I’m nervous about assimilating to the culture. I’m worried about cultural faux pas. . . scared I’m going to offend people.
I’m also worried about kids — I’d prefer to have our first child in the states, mainly so my mother can be there with me!!!! I don’t want to experience pregnancy and childbirth without her! But, after our last doctor’s visit, it looks as though it’s going to be very, very difficult to get pregnant again. It might not happen before we leave — what will I do if it happens while we’re in Thailand. I know I’m going to be worried throughout our next pregnancy . . . .worrying about another miscarriage, scared of complications, etc. I would rather not have to be doing all of that while being over 18 hours away from my mom. I get so scared thinking about it. I worry about communicating with doctors, getting information from them, working with them to save any future pregnancies.
But, I suppose, there really is no point in worrying about all of this. Who knows what God’s timeline is for us, in regard to having a baby? Only he does and he has his reasons for having us wait and go through all of this heartache. I’m sure in 20 years I’ll look back on all of this and understand what the point of the past year has been. I just pray I have my child by then.