Here’s the thing: I’m finished being a second-rate mommy, a second-rate wife, and a second-rate woman.
The past 5 months have honestly been the hardest, most brutal, most ugly months in my years as a wife and a mommy.
I can blame new-baby syndrome, sleep deprivation, hormones, but the truth is I have let everything — my house, mothering, being a wife, being a friend — sit on the back-burner and let myself turn into someone I am ashamed of.
I’ve let sleep-deprivation be an excuse for yelling at my kids.
(there are moments which play over in my mind and my cheeks burn with shame)
I’ve let hormones be an excuse for snapping at Hubby.
(the poor guy has walked on egg-shells far too long)
I’ve let “taking care” of a baby be an excuse for not doing laundry, NOT taking care of myself, and not interacting with others or with God.
The excuse mode has got. to. stop.
The past few weeks, Hubby and I have been talking. Really talking. Not just about our days or about how much we wish our kids slept through the night, but talking about our marriage. Our home. Our kids. Our finances. Our parenting weaknesses and strengths.
It’s hard to be effective parents and effective partners when you still haven’t gotten past the childish “me-me-me” phase. And, to be 100% honest, that’s where we’ve been through-out our nearly 8 years of marriage. Wanting to put the other first but always resorting back to our selfish needs and desires.
But, in our recent talks, instead of behaving like children, putting off the hard choices and the hard words, just playing around in grown-up clothing, we have been adults having genuine adult conversations.
In 2012, we have resolved to change — to cast off our childish thoughts and actions and to truly be adults. Communicating with each other. Committing to real and purposeful parenting instead of just coasting along and reacting as situations arise. Pulling long-term goals of debt-freedom and good stewardship off the back burner.
We’re working on living intentionally. With purpose. For the benefit of our children. Our relationship. Ourselves.
It will be a process, no doubt. We can’t change overnight, erasing years of bad, lazy habits instantly. But we know that we need to go through the growing pains if we want fulfillment and joy as individuals, parents, and spouses.