This is your Mommy and we need to talk.
First of all, I want to thank you for being a cute and delightfully personable little girl. Your smiles, giggles, and silly antics make your Daddy and me laugh nearly everytime we’re around you. You have such a fun personality — I love seeing it develop and grow each day.
But, sometimes, having a fun personality doesn’t excuse our poor choices and naughty behavior. Lately, you have been doing some things that just, well, aren’t lady-like. And you, my dear, WILL be a lady. I know that sometimes Daddy laughs when you do these crude/gross things, but Daddy is a boy. Boys are gross — it’s a fact. Even as they grow up, they will still laugh at gross stuff. That’s what boys do.
There are two particular things that Mommy doesn’t find enjoyable, and I think you’ll learn the rest of the world doesn’t either. I want to bring them to your attention.
Item #1: I understand that you are very curious. You should be — you just turned 1 and curiosity is helping you develop that little brain of yours. But, there are somethings that needn’t spark ANY curiosity from you. I’m talking about your snot.
I know that you just realized that you have a nose, which is my fault. I wanted to be able to show off you and your tricks. Since you didn’t have any tricks, I decided it was time to come up with one. Learning the location of the nose seemed easy — you picked it up so quickly. But, I didn’t want you to learn that your nose had holes and that those holes sometimes produce sticky stuff. It’s my job to worry about the sticky stuff — not yours!
You do not need to stick your finger up your nose. I promise it’s not necessary. And, you certainly don’t need to pull out any mucus, examine it, or eat it. That’s just plain gross. It is not endearing, not cute, and not pleasant to watch. You need to stop. You gain nothing from the digestion of snot except the disgusted stares of strangers. Stop.
Item #2: I know you are starting to learn possession. This is a good thing. You need to know which shoes are yours & which ones aren’t . . .which paci is yours & which one isn’t. Learning what is yours is good. I’m proud that you are starting to recognize these things. But, just because something is “yours” doesn’t mean you need to keep it. This time, I’m talking about your poo.
Yesterday, during your 3rd dirty diaper of the day (which, incidentally, does seem a bit much don’t you think?), you insisted on being able to claim your poo. You repeatedly tried to put your hand around your hip, fingers desperately reaching to grab said poo.
I know that it came from your body, making you think that you need it, but, as I told you yesterday, we do not keep poo. It’s smelly and gross. Little ladies should not be fascinated with it. There is nothing about it that needs saving — we only do that if the doctor tells us to do so, and your doctor has not said keeping poo is necessary.
And, by the way, throwing a fit on the changing table (kicking, screaming, bucking, crying. . . remember doing all of that?) does not make me want to give you the poo. Don’t bother with such antics. They will never work.
Now that I’ve passed all of this along, I want to thank you for being so cute last night when we had company. During that time, you behaved wonderfully. Your mommy and daddy appreciate that kind of behavior. If you could be that cute & ladylike all day long, when just mommy is around, that would be even better. MOMMY would absolutely love it!