Sigh — my poor daughter.
The Letter S has caused more problems than any other letter. Not just your normal problem speech problems — these problems make my daughter sound like a potty mouthed little girl.
Lest we forget, here are past examples:
The Kinky Cocks Debacle
(don’t faint . . . she was TRYING to say “stinky socks;” I promise!)
Up Yours, Daddy
(I assure you, she wasn’t trying to tell him off. Really!)
This past Tuesday, the Little Lady outdid herself. BIG TIME.
There are very few minutes in the day when my curly-headed little girl isn’t singing: Church songs . . . theme songs from her little shows. . . the songs and lullabies I’ve sung to her since she was a wee one.
It was a little ditty from Children’s Church that flooded my face with shame — RIGHT in the middle of our mall’s food court.
A simple tune, the Little Lady’s song spells out the name, J-E-S-U-S. It sounds like a song high school cheerleaders would sing and yell to a crowd. Give me a W! Give me an I! Give me a N! You know the kind — where the audience answers the cheerleaders. Yeah, totally appropriate at a football game. Not so much at a food-court.
But, my daughter didn’t realize there are times when it’s ok to sing a loud song and times when it’s NOT good. She was just caught up in the joy of singing her favorite song and singing it LOUD.
Give me a JAY! You got your jay, you got your jay.
Give me an EEE! You got your eee, you got your eee.
Give me an ASS!’ You got your ASS, you got your ASS!
Yeah, that’s when my husband and I both stopped and stared at each other. Did she . . . surely not. . . did she just say “ass?”
Of course, our disbelief didn’t stop her. The Little Lady finished spelling out the name, her voice raising with gusto:
WHAT’S THAT SPELL? JEES-ASS!!! THE KING OF KINGS!! JEES-ASS!!!
Sorry, Jesus. We’ll keep working on the letter “S.”