Some days just leave me at a loss for words.
They don’t come often but when they do, I find myself questioning everything about myself, my personality, my choices and my relationships.
Wednesday was such a day. A baffling, befuddling, bewildering day.
Of course, like the lines out of a gothic novel, this emotional upheaval paralleled perfectly with the weather. A morning that started warm was, in a matter of minutes, turned on its head as a bitter cold-front swept across the state, dropping temperatures and filling the sky with dark, dismal clouds that showered us with bone-chilling fat drops of rain.
(See? I told you. It’s a regular ol’ Bronte tale around here. I keep expecting Heathcliff to run across the back yard, screaming for Catherine.)
More than once, I cried. Sometimes softly and sometimes the tears came down in crashing waterfall-like strands.
And, more than once, I felt like a failure.
Motherhood. Humanity. Family. Across the board, I failed it all and left hurt people in the wake. Not just a little hurt. Big time hurt.
What’s it like to know you’ve made someone feel like complete crap? Horrible.
Was it intentional? Absolutely not. I didn’t say anything hateful or rude. But I have learned my actions, attitude, and decisions over the past 10 years have done nothing but belittle another person.
I feel like my world is spinning as I try to process everything I learned yesterday in the space of a 14-minute conversation.
That’s how long it took to learn I’m apparently not a very nice person.