I’m so proud of my husband; for the first time ever, he has started to think about my birthday present and my christmas present EARLIER than his normal “2-days-before-it-happens-so-now-he’s-panicking” habit. That’s right, folks — last night, during a glorious time of pillow talk, my husband asked me what I wanted for my birthday and Christmas.
Then, he fell asleep while I was telling him.
I thought about hitting him to wake his sorry butt back up, but I decided that might not be the best action to cultivate his attempt to plan ahead.
Then, in a moment of genius, I remembered my Christmas List. That’s right — I have a list. I make them — they’re really not JUST for children! I love making Christmas lists, always have & always will. Of course, back in the days of Rainbow Bright and My Little Pony, the lists were a little bit more fun and less practical than now. But, hey — I’ve matured. As an adult, a full-grown woman, & mommy, I KNOW what I need . . . what I REALLY need.
Here it is — for the benefit of my sleepy husband who can’t stay awake when I talk to him but who will read my blog — my Christmas List.
(oh, and if you think you’ve seen this before, you probably have. I drafted this list when I guest-posted for Jen at Cheaper Than Therapy back when she had her Girls Gone Wild Weekend. I decided it needed to be revived since Hubby never saw that guest post!)
(1) An AWESOME Camera
* The brand and model is negligible. The functions of this camera are not! I expect it to automatically shave 45 lbs off of my butt and 20 lbs off of my stomach. Optional features should include automatic boob jobs, wrinkle removing, and skin tightening.
It would also be nice to have a “Best Looking Broad” feature, where, at the click of a button, the camera would automatically adjust everyone in the picture — leaving me looking like the Hottest Mom EVER! (oh, um . . . yeah — sorry to those of you who end up in pics with me!)
(2) Daily Massage Services
*Hubby, you and I both know that I am a much nicer wife if I have a daily massage. I’m more apt to cook what YOU want, more excited about YOUR activities, and more eager to engage. . . . (wink, wink). So, if you think about it, massages benefit you MUCH MORE than they do me.
With that being said, I would like two hours EACH and EVERY day for a neck, shoulder, back, arm and hand massage. If you are not able to provide this service yourself, I will accept substitute hands. While I’m tempted to ask that those hands be those of Tom Brady’s (hey — he’s injured! What else does he have to do?), I will understand if you are not comfortable with that. Therefore, I will give you full control over who gives the massage. Just make sure they’re good at what they do and that they don’t smell. I don’t like to be distracted by odor. Just sayin.’
(3) Another Tattoo
* Yes, I wrote “another;” don’t look so shocked. I used to have a secret, slightly rebellious side. Now that I’m getting older, I want something that will help keep that secret, slightly rebellious side alive. (Sorry, Mom.)
(4) Automatic Diaper Changing Station
*Seriously, how AWESOME would this be??? Picture it — NEVER having to deal with another disgusting diaper again! The Diaper Changing Station must be able to keep a wiggling toddler occupied and the kid’s hands free & clear of “you-know-what.” It must also have an automatic freshening option that makes the area, the room, and your child smell as fresh as roses (or fresh grass, for the boys).
Please, oh Genius Engineer, who may or may not be reading this, please start working on this. I promise Santa (um, Hubby) will buy it for me!
(5) Elf Cleaning Service
* This Mama, un-apologetically, would much rather spend time blogging than cleaning. Therefore, I would like a service of Elves to clean my house at night, after we’ve gone to bed. The work must be done silently so my sleep (and that of my HUSBAND’S) is not disturbed. When I wake in the mornings, I must be greeted by the fresh scent of clean bathrooms, with top-notes of orange oil. I am willing to pay extra if a hot bubble bath is waiting for me when I walk into the bathroom.
All laundry must be washed, folded, and ironed, if applicable. In addition, all baseboards, molding, and ceiling fans must be kept dust and cob-web free. No exceptions, Elves!
And, that’s it — just 5 simple requests. I think they should be easy enough to come by. But, IF you are not able to find this items, here is a secondary list.
(1) 2nd Baby
(3) 2nd Baby
(5) 2nd Baby
Have fun shopping.